You will be hearing a lot of this in the next few weeks. In fact, if you’re really lucky, you’ll already have internalised it late in 2019 as a means of excusing excessive consumption of wine/mince pies/stuffed dates that no one buys at any other time of the year. This is all fine because as we know, when the clock strikes 12 on 31st of any December, the old you shatters into a million pieces and a New You emerges, glittering, in its place.
Everything will confirm this for you. Frighteningly targeted Facebook ads will ply New You with wonderful health regimens (so you too can become one of those people with no visible facial pores), Fearnes Cotton and Britten will recommend colourful new diets (ingredients for which will emerge in wonderful home-delivered boxes for the just £500 per pepper) and yoga gurus will promise a 2020 of peace and the ability to wrap your ankle about your head (and there are few images more synonymous with peace than that). You will be able to do all of these things of course, because they are exactly what New You is all about. Old You is dead and would never have hacked it anyway.
This peculiarly phoenix-like annual reincarnation reminds me of an article I read last year about teleportation (bear with me), in which it became clear that the technology to enable us to travel vast distances in the blink of an eye has arrived. Hoorah! Actual teleportation! This, you must be thinking, is exactly what the year 2020 was always supposed to be about. Only it turns out the word ‘travel’ is somewhat misleading as, in order to do so, you must step into a teleport and have your entire material self obliterated so that your new self can be awakened in a clone body at your destination of choice.
Puts Ryanair into perspective doesn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against a New Year resolution per se (though show me a vision board and I might have to whack you on your new shins with it), but I do worry that wrapped up within them is an assumption that our old self is so appalling, so far beyond repair, that we must step into the malignant teleport of New Year’s Eve and obliterate it. Only then can we step happily, and more successfully into the new body of New Year’s Day.
So through my haze of mince pies and dates stuck on peculiar plastic that are for some reason then referred to as “trees”, I started thinking about this, and the reasons for our annual hiatus of self compassion.
Firstly, we are living in an era of advanced level resolution-setting. Resolutions used to be nice simple things, like smiling more, or eating slightly less cheese. Now with self help books providing us with 912 things successful people do before breakfast, and Instagram showing us how many of these things everyone else has already done, the pressure to up the stakes is on. The trouble is, to fulfil half of these expectations we actually would require a new self: an artificially enhanced one with the ability to stretch time, and resist the call of a festive edition Toblerone (which, as far as I am aware, no human has yet done).
Second, we are living in the age of ‘you can be whatever you want to be’, which is sometimes true, but often not, and that has rather damaging consequences. For example, I require a very high prescription of glasses and have reached the ripe old age of 35, sadly therefore I am unlikely to realise the dream of piloting the next space shuttle or of being an Olympian gymnast. But the notion I should be able to do whatever I want to do puts the blame squarely at my feet. The unfortunate subtitle of of this otherwise empowering sentiment is therefore ‘and if you’re not, it’s your fault’.
So, as the gyms and yoga studios start to fill up with people who will last until roughly February 3rd and then kick themselves for giving in, and the health food shops are rammed with people peering miserably at the back of gluten free pasta boxes, perhaps consider that the old you is just fine, and that instead of remaking yourself, you could just think up a few ways to make things even better. And that those things could be small and manageable, and not leave you in a defeated heap.
So let’s start with the blindingly obvious. So obvious in fact that most of us fail to do them most of the time:
Sleep
It is constantly amazing to me that so many of us manage to shun the most delightful (in)activity there is. But if the lure of a comfy pillow is not enough, consider the growing pile of evidence around the importance of getting a solid 8 hours “sleep opportunity” per night and the potential long term implications on your health for not doing so. Limit your phone/screen use before bed, dim the lights, take a bath or read to help you nod off, but try to avoid alcohol - although the idea of a nightcap is alluring, most sedatives rob you of REM sleep, a vital part of a healthy sleep cycle.
Move
In any way you want to. Run, yoga, dance, skip (there should be more of that, and I don’t mean with a rope) or simply walk. Whatever floats your New Year boat. Moving in an energetic way not only boosts your mood, your immune system and your cardiovascular health but, according to a study in Psychology and Behaviour, simply climbing stairs for 10 minutes provides women (there is no mention of men engaging in such behaviour) with a greater energy spurt than half a cup of coffee (though it does easily also take twice as long, and may not be the appropriate or convenient way to prepare for your 11:30am meeting). So move your body somehow, even if it’s just a few minutes a day.
Then there are the suggestions that are short and sweet, but start to make people feel a bit queasy:
Meditate
For those of you for whom the very word meditation conjures up kaftans, sage smudging sticks and an unwashed beard, think of it as practising paying attention. Remaining singularly focussed is a dying skill in our multi-tasking world, and the quality of attention we pay people and things has a direct impact on our enjoyment of them. So practice.
There are many focus-paying exercises to choose from, but the easiest is to choose your breath, sensations in the body, or the sound of Linda yelling at someone over the desk alongside you, then hold your attention on it as long as you can. Notice when you get distracted (which you will), and notice what thought distracted you. You can use an app on your phone (there are a plethora), you can set a timer, but start with 10 minutes and work up over time.
Gratitude
Oh no. This one. The one that is sat firmly under a palm tree in California, one small step away from the moon crystal healing shop. I know it transgresses the British triumvirate of sarcasm, cynicism and irony, but the practice of gratitude does have a solid, scientific rationale. Just spending a few minutes a day thinking about something or someone you are grateful for can shift the hormone balance in your body to improve your mood. In fact studies from Harvard on a few minutes’ gratitude time a day showed that after one month, participants not only felt more positive, but exercised more and made fewer trips to the doctor. So, if for no other reason than to cut down in your doctor diarising admin, maybe give it a try.
Finally, if you are still struggling not to be utterly despairing about your ability to hold on to important resolutions, there is a separate path for you. The only cure for the over-achieving worry-wort, is to set intentions that are so mundane as to be completely impossible to get excited about, and therefore impossible to be disappointed about breaking:
Budget
As New Year’s Day dawns bright, why not reach for your new Filofax diary, and set to work creating a personal financial budget for 2020? In the unlikely event you are a person who owns a Filofax diary and also a modern phone, why not invest in a finance app, so you can keep track of your specially created budget, putting money aside for tax, holidays and the odd pizza whilst riding the tube, the bus or out on your New Year jog.
Clean your Phone
Not to free up storage space but literally. Perhaps resolve to do so at the same time every week like a date night but for you, a sanitising wipe, and your mobile of choice (which, according to the University of Arizona, carries about 10 times as much bacteria as a toilet seat. Which may or may not be more than your actual date).
Plan your Healthcare
No, don’t put that new Filofax diary away just yet - this auspicious day is the perfect time to anticipate how wrong things can go, or to reflect on how many things have already gone wrong and will require ongoing attention. So open up that diary and book in all of your routine doctor’s appointments for the year. If you’re having fun, move on to the dentist next.
They were fun weren’t they? Really fun. So as you settle yourself back into your work chair, closing your diary in satisfaction, consider that although 2020 was supposed to be the year of hover boards, holograms and teleports, sometimes it’s good to go the traditional long way around. Appreciate yourself, sleep a little more, worry a little less, wiggle about from time to time, and try to be grateful…even if it’s for the fact you don’t need to think about new resolutions for an entire 11 months.
Everything will confirm this for you. Frighteningly targeted Facebook ads will ply New You with wonderful health regimens (so you too can become one of those people with no visible facial pores), Fearnes Cotton and Britten will recommend colourful new diets (ingredients for which will emerge in wonderful home-delivered boxes for the just £500 per pepper) and yoga gurus will promise a 2020 of peace and the ability to wrap your ankle about your head (and there are few images more synonymous with peace than that). You will be able to do all of these things of course, because they are exactly what New You is all about. Old You is dead and would never have hacked it anyway.
This peculiarly phoenix-like annual reincarnation reminds me of an article I read last year about teleportation (bear with me), in which it became clear that the technology to enable us to travel vast distances in the blink of an eye has arrived. Hoorah! Actual teleportation! This, you must be thinking, is exactly what the year 2020 was always supposed to be about. Only it turns out the word ‘travel’ is somewhat misleading as, in order to do so, you must step into a teleport and have your entire material self obliterated so that your new self can be awakened in a clone body at your destination of choice.
Puts Ryanair into perspective doesn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against a New Year resolution per se (though show me a vision board and I might have to whack you on your new shins with it), but I do worry that wrapped up within them is an assumption that our old self is so appalling, so far beyond repair, that we must step into the malignant teleport of New Year’s Eve and obliterate it. Only then can we step happily, and more successfully into the new body of New Year’s Day.
So through my haze of mince pies and dates stuck on peculiar plastic that are for some reason then referred to as “trees”, I started thinking about this, and the reasons for our annual hiatus of self compassion.
Firstly, we are living in an era of advanced level resolution-setting. Resolutions used to be nice simple things, like smiling more, or eating slightly less cheese. Now with self help books providing us with 912 things successful people do before breakfast, and Instagram showing us how many of these things everyone else has already done, the pressure to up the stakes is on. The trouble is, to fulfil half of these expectations we actually would require a new self: an artificially enhanced one with the ability to stretch time, and resist the call of a festive edition Toblerone (which, as far as I am aware, no human has yet done).
Second, we are living in the age of ‘you can be whatever you want to be’, which is sometimes true, but often not, and that has rather damaging consequences. For example, I require a very high prescription of glasses and have reached the ripe old age of 35, sadly therefore I am unlikely to realise the dream of piloting the next space shuttle or of being an Olympian gymnast. But the notion I should be able to do whatever I want to do puts the blame squarely at my feet. The unfortunate subtitle of of this otherwise empowering sentiment is therefore ‘and if you’re not, it’s your fault’.
So, as the gyms and yoga studios start to fill up with people who will last until roughly February 3rd and then kick themselves for giving in, and the health food shops are rammed with people peering miserably at the back of gluten free pasta boxes, perhaps consider that the old you is just fine, and that instead of remaking yourself, you could just think up a few ways to make things even better. And that those things could be small and manageable, and not leave you in a defeated heap.
So let’s start with the blindingly obvious. So obvious in fact that most of us fail to do them most of the time:
Sleep
It is constantly amazing to me that so many of us manage to shun the most delightful (in)activity there is. But if the lure of a comfy pillow is not enough, consider the growing pile of evidence around the importance of getting a solid 8 hours “sleep opportunity” per night and the potential long term implications on your health for not doing so. Limit your phone/screen use before bed, dim the lights, take a bath or read to help you nod off, but try to avoid alcohol - although the idea of a nightcap is alluring, most sedatives rob you of REM sleep, a vital part of a healthy sleep cycle.
Move
In any way you want to. Run, yoga, dance, skip (there should be more of that, and I don’t mean with a rope) or simply walk. Whatever floats your New Year boat. Moving in an energetic way not only boosts your mood, your immune system and your cardiovascular health but, according to a study in Psychology and Behaviour, simply climbing stairs for 10 minutes provides women (there is no mention of men engaging in such behaviour) with a greater energy spurt than half a cup of coffee (though it does easily also take twice as long, and may not be the appropriate or convenient way to prepare for your 11:30am meeting). So move your body somehow, even if it’s just a few minutes a day.
Then there are the suggestions that are short and sweet, but start to make people feel a bit queasy:
Meditate
For those of you for whom the very word meditation conjures up kaftans, sage smudging sticks and an unwashed beard, think of it as practising paying attention. Remaining singularly focussed is a dying skill in our multi-tasking world, and the quality of attention we pay people and things has a direct impact on our enjoyment of them. So practice.
There are many focus-paying exercises to choose from, but the easiest is to choose your breath, sensations in the body, or the sound of Linda yelling at someone over the desk alongside you, then hold your attention on it as long as you can. Notice when you get distracted (which you will), and notice what thought distracted you. You can use an app on your phone (there are a plethora), you can set a timer, but start with 10 minutes and work up over time.
Gratitude
Oh no. This one. The one that is sat firmly under a palm tree in California, one small step away from the moon crystal healing shop. I know it transgresses the British triumvirate of sarcasm, cynicism and irony, but the practice of gratitude does have a solid, scientific rationale. Just spending a few minutes a day thinking about something or someone you are grateful for can shift the hormone balance in your body to improve your mood. In fact studies from Harvard on a few minutes’ gratitude time a day showed that after one month, participants not only felt more positive, but exercised more and made fewer trips to the doctor. So, if for no other reason than to cut down in your doctor diarising admin, maybe give it a try.
Finally, if you are still struggling not to be utterly despairing about your ability to hold on to important resolutions, there is a separate path for you. The only cure for the over-achieving worry-wort, is to set intentions that are so mundane as to be completely impossible to get excited about, and therefore impossible to be disappointed about breaking:
Budget
As New Year’s Day dawns bright, why not reach for your new Filofax diary, and set to work creating a personal financial budget for 2020? In the unlikely event you are a person who owns a Filofax diary and also a modern phone, why not invest in a finance app, so you can keep track of your specially created budget, putting money aside for tax, holidays and the odd pizza whilst riding the tube, the bus or out on your New Year jog.
Clean your Phone
Not to free up storage space but literally. Perhaps resolve to do so at the same time every week like a date night but for you, a sanitising wipe, and your mobile of choice (which, according to the University of Arizona, carries about 10 times as much bacteria as a toilet seat. Which may or may not be more than your actual date).
Plan your Healthcare
No, don’t put that new Filofax diary away just yet - this auspicious day is the perfect time to anticipate how wrong things can go, or to reflect on how many things have already gone wrong and will require ongoing attention. So open up that diary and book in all of your routine doctor’s appointments for the year. If you’re having fun, move on to the dentist next.
They were fun weren’t they? Really fun. So as you settle yourself back into your work chair, closing your diary in satisfaction, consider that although 2020 was supposed to be the year of hover boards, holograms and teleports, sometimes it’s good to go the traditional long way around. Appreciate yourself, sleep a little more, worry a little less, wiggle about from time to time, and try to be grateful…even if it’s for the fact you don’t need to think about new resolutions for an entire 11 months.